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The dialogue I need to have and to hear is a deeper and far less digestible one, a talk that has no simple starting point or end.īut let's at least begin with honesty: Gay men in Canada live with a level of daily violence that is unimaginable to straight people. The psychological violence we face as children never leaves us, and too often is amplified by coming out to our families, or, conversely, the toxic burden of keeping secrets. As we grow into adulthood, we face economic violence from systems set up to empower straight men. AIDS and its costs hover over all of our lives (but if you attend an AIDS conference, nobody says the word "gay" any more). In social-work jargon, we are now called "men who have sex with men," a phrase that reduces our lives to a singularity based on sexual practice while at the same time negating an entire culture. The mainstream gay media, most of which is not owned or operated by actual queer people, attacks us with images of Olympian god-like men, men we can never become. Every year, too many of us commit suicide and too many of us get beat up on the streets. We go missing, and nobody looks for our bodies.
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If gay men have learned anything from Toronto's Gay Village serial killer story, it is that occasionally our suffering makes for good sensationalist copy, and that Canadians need to be shown the darkest hues of the anti-gay-violence spectrum before they will begin to talk about the messy and hurtful reality of gay life in Canada.